We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
