Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
