Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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