i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I am one with the molecules
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
