You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
