like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
