Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
