I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
