Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
