i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
