going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
