The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
