I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
