I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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