dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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