That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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