did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
