This girl is more easily done than said...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
