Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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