At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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