Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
