So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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