i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
