so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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