You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
