Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
