I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
