I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
