Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
