hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We left the knife in your bed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
