How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
