The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i love accidental penises.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
