I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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