peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
