eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm having to shit out rocks
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