so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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