At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
