I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
