im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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