Non-Jews are for practice
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
