my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
