can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
