It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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