FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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