did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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