The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
