Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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