Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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