It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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