bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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