i just had sex bonerless
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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