bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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