Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
